Good morning everyone I am to sick to complete anything to help pass on the bread of life, but I will still try- it has been three weeks now that I can’t write a sermon the attacks and everything else has been tormenting, not only tormenting but I can’t stop the evil that has become, but God is still with me, I need to help so many others and being this sick is unreal, plus my email is corrupted and I can’t get any thing to work. I have had this computer fixed so many times it is incredible. If you all could understand what is going on with me, I will have to take the computer into the shop again. So I will be off line for a while again. It hurts me so bad that I can’t talk to my friend’s members and staff, I still verbally pray for the prayers that come into "The Church Ministries fill out the form or prayer", or list anything you wish to say, and verbally pray for our general prayer list, and our leadership list. I have been getting sicker and sicker each and every week, and as the weeks go by-I sleep most of the day, I have no energy, my body is just so weak, someone suggested that I have a staff infection in my bloodstream, and also someone else suggested Lou Gerick’s disease. I have had so many tests that I really don’t believe that they over looked each problem with my body, even though I am close to the Lord, I still sit up all night and wonder what I have, or what is wrong with me, even if I missed a sin that was not confessed, nothing makes any sense. I know God has let this happen for many reasons, maybe He wants me to write a book or maybe because I worked out for so many years, and got prideful and put myself before others, and so many people suggested I go into completion for the over 50 grand masters championships in bodybuilding, no one knows, some people treat me like I am a total sinner, we all sin, but my love for people and God and my Lord Jesus Christ will never change. The Holy Spirit is also loved and lives within me, and directs my paths. God has plans, and I have forgiveness for all the people I have met, even the people that don’t love me, or hate me for some ungodly reason and many people think there is something wrong with me because I don’t get healed, there is many people in Jails all over the world because they are Christians and being hurt in so many ways, just because they are Christians. There are so many books I have read that all kinds of people have been in jails just because they love Jesus, and all they would have to do is deny the Lord and they would be set free, and they choose to stay loving Jesus and being a Christian, there are many people who wrote books, that were thrown into prison for more years then I have been suffering, just because they were preaching or were caught with a bible, people have been killed as martyrs because of their love for Christ. All throughout history and country to country things have happened to the Christian, and thousands are dieing. In the beginning they would have services in hidden caves not to be found. Christians have gone through so much suffering, but it helps us understand how Jesus Christ felt. So true Christians are not seeking wealth or fame, they carry no pride, they carry no hate, they just hold a complete love for others, and I will love any living thing till the day I meet Jesus and beyond. You all know how many times my heart has been broken, through all the sermons there is a taste of suffering here and there, the thing is we all love everyone, no matter what they do to us. Better is the poor that walketh in his integrity, than he that is perverse in his lips, and is a fool. (Prov.19:1 KJV) At times I get mad and sometimes I say things that have no meaning, but my apologies to God seem to fix any situation. We all are not perfect and I swim in my couch many days full of tears and prayer. For months now I have been tormented, and has made me even sicker, but still I pray for the people that have broken my heart and hurting me. I can’t go through life not helping people, the thing is God has blessed me with the ability to heal at times, but what surprises me, is I can’t find anyone to heal sitting in the same chair year after year 4 miles out of town. There have been even emails of healing, and those you can read about all through the site. If the Lord will do a miracle through an email, just think what He could do if I stayed around that person, and was able to touch and pray with them. That is why I wanted to have the Church/Mission right here; this town needs a mission, a place where people can go for safety and serenity. I wanted to build a place big enough to have showers, food, beds, clothes, counseling, and just someone to talk to, plus my talents God gave me I have so much to give, God gave me so many talents- to make meals out of nothing, that even taste good, plus all the music and instuments I can play -and I still can sing out and share with others- so we could praise the Lord everyday from so many different voices. To be able to give a family or a person a place where they can go to have a nice peaceful sleep, with clean sheets, warm blankets, food in their belly and hope that they can get on their feet again. I planed to do so much on that long plane ride over here, the thing is now this sickness, plus things are getting added to my body to cause more pain and hardship, plus being so long- I don’t have any money for ink for the printer, film for the camera, and then when I waited months to get the ink, then the machine would not work. That day just broke my heart, that day made no sense at all. I can’t even make copies of some of our return prayer requests, now I can’t even get in there to retrieve them. 3 months ago I lost the whole c-drive and everything on it, all the prayers and return prayers where gone, then I had someone bring them all back, now the whole email is corrupted. It is like I am fighting a battle that does not end against evil. If there is still many congregations that still come to the free sermon area, I hope to God I can still help were help is needed. “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me. I hope in the grace of God: for if righteousness came by the law, then Christ died in vain. “But we see Jesus, who was made a little lower than the angels for the suffering of death, crowned with glory and honour; that he by the grace of God should taste death for every man. For it became him, for whom are all things, and by whom are all things, in bringing many sons unto glory, to make their salvation perfect through sufferings. Forasmuch then as the children are partakers of flesh and blood, he also himself likewise took part of the same; that through death he might destroy him that had the power of death, that is, the devil; For in that he himself hath suffered being tempted, he is able to succour them that are tempted. As I sit and wait and just wonder, I am eager to help so many. He leadeth Me beside the still waters. The sheep is a very timid creature. Especially it is afraid of swiftly moving water, which it has a good reason to fear. The sheep is a very poor swimmer because of its heavy coat. It would be like a man trying to swim with his overcoat on. We are like sheep, we don’t want to go and drown or slip into the rushing water, Christ the leader of the sheep will lead us to find those still waters so we as His sheep can drink without fear, Jesus will even make a dam or make a pool of rocks to set up up an area to slow down the moving water, Our God is always looking out for us. To make us not have any fear, that is why in the bible it says 366 times do not fear. So for everyday that is in effect we should have true faith not to fear and depend on our God not the rushing waters. That is all I can write at this time if I can write more before this computer has more problems I will. God is always with us, if we want Him to be, and will never leave us- so there is no reason to fear anything.
